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Subject:  we have a Go board

... this despite the reluctance of any people working in Chinese shops
in China town to admit to having any Go boards. The first shop we went
to, we found only a very expensive ($185) Go board. This seemed a
little beyond the budget that I thought was reasonable for Robbie
(about 50c per person), so we asked if they had any others. The woman
in the shop claimed they had no Go boards whatsoever. When confronted
with the evidence of the Go board we'd found she admitted that that's
what it was, but still claimed that there weren't any others.

The next shop we went also claimed to have no Go boards at all. After
trying every other shop we could find, all of which claimed not to
have go boards, in some of which the sales people hid furtively, and
one of which made a very good show of not being a shop at all and
claimed that it was a chinese resteraunt instead, we finally gave up.
Then Craig-the-highly-observant-flying-Kiwi spotted a Go board lurking
in the window of the second shop we'd tried. We went back in and
pointed to it, and, after making a show of pretending it wasn't a Go
baord but a Ming vase, that it had gotten there by accident, that they
didn't know anything about it, and that anyway they didn't work there
and we should ask someone else, they finally agreed to sell it to us.
We even got them to take $14 off the price through
Craig-the-highly-persuasive-Kiwi's powers of bargaining.

We then decided to volunteer Barry for the task of getting a birthday
card.

-Anthony

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>Is it fair that Barry should have a monopoly in volunteering you for 
>things?
>
>Isn't there some sort of antitrust law against that sort of thing?
>
>--lily

It's perfectly fair. If other people volunteered me for things, then
I'd have to volunteer other people for things, and then I wouldn't
know who to volunteer and I'd get confused and my brain would cease
up. Then I might start acting like Robbie, and everyone would suffer.

I should point out that this decission is not motivited by issues of
race, sex, height or whatever, and when I call Barry a water-buffalo
it's a term of endearment and has nothing to do with the fact that
he's short.

-Anthony

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>Please mail all complaints to anshul@gradient.cis.upenn.edu.

The weather in Philadelphia is too humid; there aren't any good Indian
resteraunts; the air-conditioning in the Moore building is never set
right, and there are no longer any challengers for Indurin in the Tour
now that Rominger and Chipolini are out.

Leonid also wanted to complain that his appartment was burglarized and
the police are doing nothing.

-Anthony

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To: jreich@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu

>OK, good for Ba, I on the other hand am having brain failure and do not 
>even want to think about PhD, graduate school, doctors, etc because at 
>this point, my head actually hurts from studying too much.  Is that 
>possible?  

This is perfectly possible, and most worrying. It's the first warning
signs of an impending brain overload. If you continue to push
information into your brain it may spontaneously combust.
Alternatively, if your brain is only loosely connected, it may crawl
out of one of your ears during the night and escape to join the circus
(I believe this is what happened in Robbie's case). The best thing to
do at this point is to try to maintain a state of total brain
inactivity, which can be induced by watching several hours of
television, or listening to Robbie for approximately 30 seconds.

>I think I need to see a neurologist to get some of that LSD 
>derivative because something is really going wrong with me.  (I am not 
>crazy, Robbie told me that was the medication he was taking.)

I don't think LSD would make your brain inactive, but would probably
make it feel happier and more relaxed. Other substances that can
produce similar effects are alcohol and Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip
Cookie Dough ice cream. The last of these is recommended since it is
freely available without prescription and socially acceptable. It's a
little known fact that Ben and Jerry include minute quantities of
hallucinagenic drugs in their ice creams, which accounts, in part, for
their popularity. The quantities involved are too small to have a
noticeable effect of course. Beware however: last time I finished a
complete tub of CCCD ice cream I was attacked by an angry herd of
flying purple cows. They could still be out there.

-Anthony

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Me>       Would anyone like to join us?

Robbie>   Sure. Why the hell not?

Me>       Ok, I'll put you down on the fucking list.

Anthony>  Sure. Why the fetid-pile-of-guinea-pig-testicles not?

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Robbie:

Actually, I *do* want some stuff. I don't, however, have a recent
catalogue. Also, Anthony is being a pain, and won't tell me which
chain I should order. I also need a new back tire (Avocet, etc.), a
couple of new tubes, a back rack elastic thingy, and who knows what
else I'll find in the catalogue.

Anthony:

I'd recommend a chain with about 3/4-inch links. If you use much
bigger than that they can leave nasty bruises on the wrists and
ankles, and if you go much smaller then they could break if you or
Toni struggle too violently. Actually it's not really that critical
what kind of chain you use: the important thing is to tie them tightly
enough and have somthing solid and secure to attach them to. An iron
framed bed bolted to the floor is ideal.

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Me:

A reasonable assumption.  If I were you I'd head down to your local post office
and shoot someone.

Anthony:

Which makes it fortunate that you're not me, and that unlike you I
obviously haven't yet been anesthetized to violence by American
television. (and if anyone says otherwise I'll chop their fucking legs
of with my chain saw).

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Dear Barry,

Automobiles are vile, polution-spewing instruments of the devil. They are an
insidious device intended to bring about suffering and the ultimate demise of
human kind. If you commit yourself to automobile ownership, you will soon find
yourself working like a slave to pay for it's upkeep, while all your finances
are sucked into the black hole of auto-insurance, maintenance, repairs and
little fluffy dice. You will be caught in a vicious circle so that soon all
your waking hours will spent working maniacally or trapped in your
claustrophobic metal box, driving in order to work. Worse, you will condemn
yourself to a slow and lingering death, followed by an eternity of breathing in
the exhaust fumes of Satan while roasting on the fiery engine blocks of Hell!

I'd suggest you buy several new bicycles instead.

-Ant

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