These are taken from real CVs and cover letters and were
  printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine:

    "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."

    "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."

    "It's best for employers that I not work with people."

    "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

    "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

    "My goal is to be a meteorologist.  But since I possess no
     training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

    "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

  And for those of us who already have jobs, these quotes
  were taken from actual performance evaluations:

    "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom
     and has started to dig."

    "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

    "Works well when under constant supervision
     and cornered like a rat in a trap."

    "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only
     to change whichever foot was previously in there."

    "He sets low personal standards and then
     consistently fails to achieve them."

    "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."