The Darwin Awards (part 2).  Darwin Awards are (by definition) granted
posthumously. This citation is bestowed upon (the remains of) that individual,
who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove
undesirable elements from the human gene pool.  Many of you will recall last
year's winner, the man who strapped a jet-assisted takeoff pack to his Chevy
Impala and reached speeds in excess of 350 mph before becoming airborne and
smashing his car and himself to bits against the side of a cliff.

This year's contestants:

[San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to
break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when
the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

[Hickory Daily Record 12/21/92] Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot
himself to death in December in Newton, N.C., when, awakening to the sound of a
ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead
a Smith &Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

[Unknown, 25 March] A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being
blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas.  There was no mark
on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system.  His
diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other
things).  It was just the right combination of foods.  It appears that the man
died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous cloud that was hanging over
his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have
been fatal.  But the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. He was
". . . a big man with a huge capacity for creating [this deadly gas]." Three of
the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.

[UPI, Toronto] Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a
downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and
plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell
into the courtyard of theToronto Dominion Bank ower early Friday evening as he
was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law
students. Hoy previously had conducted demonstrations of window strength
according to police reports.  Peter Lauwers, managing partner of the firm
Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was"one of the best
and brightest" members of the 200-man association.

[AP, Cairo, Egypt, 31 Aug 1995 CAIRO, Egypt (AP)] Six people drowned Monday
while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt.
An 18-year-old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well.  He
drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled him down, police
said.  His sister and two brothers, none of whom could swim well, went in one
by one to help him, but also drowned.  Two elderly farmers then came to help,
but they apparently were pulled by the same undercurrent.  The bodies of the
six were later pulled out of the well in the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 miles
south of Cairo.  The chicken was also pulled out.  It survived.

* James Burns, 34, of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to
repair what police described as a "farm-type truck."  Burns got a friend to
drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could
ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something,
however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
[Kalamazoo Gazette, 4-1-95]

Same thing up here in MI.  Seems some poor fella thought it would be a good
idea to "move" a downed wire from his car.  Newspaper reports it took a FULL
MINUTE of neighbors whacking away at him with a 2x4 to free their freshly fried
former friend from the fatal flashing.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (because they lived):

[Times of London] A thief who sneaked into a hospital was scarred for life when
he tried to get a suntan.  After evading security staff at Odstock Hospital in
Salisbury, Wiltshire, and helping himself to doctor's paging devices, the thief
spotted a vertical sunbed.  He walked into the unit and removed his clothes for
a 45-minute tan. However, the high-voltage UV machine at the hospital, which is
renowned for its treatment of burns victims, has a maximum dosage of 10
seconds.  After lying on the bed for almost 300 times the recommended maximum
time, the man was covered in blisters.  Hours later, when the pain of the burns
became unbearable, he went to Southampton General Hospital, 20 miles away, in
Hampshire.  Staff became suspicious because he was wearing a doctor's coat.
After tending his wounds they called the police.  Southampton police said:
"This man broke into Odstock and decided he fancied a quick suntan. Doctors say
he is going to be scarred for life.

* Bowling Green, Ohio, student Robert Ricketts, 19, had his head bloodied when
he was struck by a Conrail train.  He told police he was trying to see how
close to the moving train he could place his head without getting hit.

* In Wesley Chapel, Florida, Joseph Aaron, 20, was hit in the leg with pieces
of the bullet he fired at the exhaust pipe of his car. When repairing the car,
he needed to bore a hole in the pipe. When he couldn't find a drill, he tried
to shoot a hole in it.