I like monkeys.
The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece.
i thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand.
i decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth.
i bought 200.
i like monkeys.

i took my 200 monkeys home.
i have a big car.
i let one drive.
his name was sigmund.
he was retarded.
in fact, none of them were really very bright.
they were punching themselves in their genitals.
i laughed.
they punched me in my genitals.
i stopped laughing.

i herded them into my room.
they didn't adapt very well to their new environment.
they would screech, hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds, and
slam into the wall.
although humorous at first, the specktacle lost its novelty halfway
into its 3rd hour.

2 hours later, i found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; 
they all died.
no apparent reason.
they all just sorta dropped dead.
kinda like when you buy a goldfish, and it dies 5 hours later.
damn cheap monkeys.

i didn't know what to do.
there were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the
dresser, hanging from my bookcase.
it looked like i had 200 throw rugs.

i tried to flush one down the toilet.
it didn't work.
it got stuck.
then i had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

i tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals.
that worked for awhile, that is until they began to decompose.
it started to smell real bad.

i had to pee, but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and i didn't
want to call the plumber.
i was embarressed.

i tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them.
unfortunately, there was only enough room for 2 monkeys at a time, so i
had to change them every 30 seconds.
i also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

i tried burning them.
little did i know my bed was flammable.
i had to extinguish the fire.
then i had 1 dead, wet monkey in my toilet, 2 dead, frozen monkeys in
my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed.
the odor wasn't improving.

i became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys, and to use
the bathroom.
i severly beat one of my monkeys.
i felt better.

i tried throwing them away, but the garbageman said that the city was
not allowed to dispose of charred primates.
i told him that i had a wet one.
he couldn't take that one either.
i didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution.
i gave them out as Christmas Gifts.
my friends didn't know quite what to say.
they pretended they liked them, but i could tell they were lying.
ingrates!
so i punched them in the genitals.

i like monkeys.