IMPORTANT  IBM  NEWS-FLASH
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 KABINDA, ZAIRE- In a move IBM office are hailing as a major step in
 the company's ongoing worldwide telecommunications revolution, M'wana
 Ndeti, a member of Zaire's Bantu tribe, used an IBM global uplink
 network modem yesterday to crush a nut.

 Ndeti, who spent 20 minutes trying to open the nut by hand, easily
 cracked it open by smashing it repeatedly with the powerful modem.  "I
 could not crush the nut by myself," said the 47-year-old Ndeti, who
 added the savory nut to a thick, peanut-based soup minutes later.
 "With IBM's help, I was able to break it."

 Ndeti discovered the nut-breaking, 28.8 V.34 modem yesterday, when IBM
 was shooting a commercial in his southwestern Zaire village. During a
 break in shooting, which shows African villagers eagerly
 teleconferencing via computer with Japanese schoolchildren, Ndeti
 snuck onto the set and took the modem, which he believed would serve
 well as a "smashing" utensil.

 IBM officials were not surprised the longtime computer giant was able
 to provide Ndeti with practical solutions to his everyday
 problems. "Our telecommunications systems offer people all over the
 world global networking solutions that fit their specific needs," said
 Herbert Ross, IBM's director of marketing. "Whether you're a nun
 cloistered in an Italian abbey or an Aborigine in Australia's Great
 Sandy Desert, IBM has the ideas to get you where you want to go
 today."

 According to Ndeti, of the modem's many powerful features, most
 impressive was its hard plastic casing, which easily sustained several
 minutes of vigorous pounding against a large stone. "I put the nut on
 a rock, and I hit it with the modem," he said. "The modem did not
 break. It is a good modem."

 Ndeti was so impressed with the modem that he purchased a new,
 state-of-the-art IBM workstation, complete with a PowerPC 601
 microprocessor, a quad-speed internal CD-ROM drive and three 16-bit
 ethernet networking connectors. The tribesman has already made good
 use of the computer system, fashioning a gazelle trap out of its
 wires, a boat anchor out of the monitor and a crude but effective
 weapon from its mouse.

 "This is a good computer," said Ndeti, carving up a just-captured
 gazelle with the computer's flat, sharp internal processing device. "I
 am using every part of it. I will cook this gazelle on the keyboard."
 Hours later, Ndeti capped off his delicious gazelle dinner by smoking
 the computer's 200-page owner's manual.

 IBM spokespeople praised Ndeti's choice of computers. "We are pleased
 that the Bantu people are turning to IBM for their business needs,"
 said company CEO William Allaire. "From Kansas City to Kinshasa, IBM
 is bringing the world closer together. Our cutting-edge technology is
 truly creating a global village."