This was funny back around 1993. Let me know if it aged well.
Some card suggestions:
o--------------------------------o
| Mishra's Card Shoe 1 |
| Artifact |
| |
| 0: Target player must |
| reshuffle library. |
| |
| Brett Achorn |
o--------------------------------o
o--------------------------------o
| Unchained Melody G |
| Instant |
| |
| Target player must sing "I'm a |
| Little Teapot" or take 100 |
| damage. |
| |
| Brett Achorn |
o--------------------------------o
o--------------------------------o
| Demonic Deposition BBBB |
| Enchantment |
| |
| All declarations must be |
| phrased in the form of a |
| question or the action is |
| countered. |
| |
| Brett Achorn |
o--------------------------------o
o--------------------------------o
| Whiner 0 |
| Summon Pest |
| |
| All damage done to Whiner is |
| reduced to 0. May not block, |
| attack, or be targeted by |
| spells or effects. |
| |
| Brett Achorn 0/1 |
o--------------------------------o
o--------------------------------o
| God 7WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW |
| Summon Arch-Boss |
| |
| 0: Destroy all black cards |
| R: Destroy target creature |
| U: Destroy all cards except |
| islands |
| 7: Everyone skips a turn |
| |
| Sacrifice all other cards, |
| your graveyard, and your |
| library during your upkeep. |
| Lose 40 life anyway. Miracles |
| aren't cheap. |
| |
| Brett Achorn anything/anything |
o--------------------------------o
o--------------------------------o
| Anshul BU |
| Interrupt |
| |
| Undo one of your spells |
| immediately after all effects |
| have been resolved. All |
| consequent reactions are also |
| undone. This card is then |
| removed from the game, torn |
| up, and the caster is beaten |
| soundly with a rubber hose. |
| |
| Brett Achorn 0/1 |
o--------------------------------o
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My posting to Magic-l regarding the recent discussion on whether or not
to insert unique cards into magazines:
I don't understand this magazine thing. Why do something half-assed?
If we want to offend people let's go all the way and insert the Symbol
of Power into magazines. [In playtest this card had a drawing of a
penis] While we're at it we can begin advertising Anthony's Magic: The
Water Buffalo, a politically incorrect release. Hey, I just thought
of a new card:
o--------------------------------o
| Rotcelloc Eht Wercs 14 |
| Artifact Creature |
| |
| While Rotcelloc Eht Wercs is |
| inplay all 3/8 creatures with |
| Mesawalk and Firebreathing |
| have Mox Diamond Home as well. |
| |
| Barry "Bit" Reich 3/0 |
o--------------------------------o
We can make 3800 different versions of this card, each with different
art, and place them randomly in 200-pound bags of concrete mix.
Anthony Kosky's posting on the same subject:
Personally I don't understand why anyone should complain about the
scarcity of alpha Gathering cards, since there were approximately 1000
times as many of each rare gathering card as there were of each rare
gamma playtest card. Consequently I believe that wotc would be quite
justified in release limited runs of say a dozen special rare cards,
and only distributing them to people who the directors happened to
think had a cool haircut. Afterall if a serious collector wants one
they can always morgage their house.
What disturbs me most about this business however, is the lack of
response from wotc personal to any of these concerns. So far the only
response was from Dave, to assure me that all these decisions were
based on carefully considered market research, tarot card reading and
a thorough analysis of the I Ching, and that everyone else, such as
myself, were being ignored for our own good since we clearly had no
understanding of marketing whatsoever, and kept on using such
misleading techniques as common sense in analysing these decisions. I
suspect that, if wotc decided not to distribute any cards outside of
Seattle, and to start sending obscene letters to all of their
customers, anyone who questioned this behaviour would be told the same
thing.
===============================================================================
A conversation with Richard Garfield. I, and several others, felt
that the Chaos Orb was too silly a card to include in Magic: The
Gathering. We tried to convince Richard of this. Here is part of the
discussion. From Richard:
To all ardent haters of Chaosorb,
Sorry! But I think the tension added by the knowlege that something
like the orb would be put in the game is worth the obnoxiousness of
it. The mere fact that it raises emotions and is not really that
powerful makes it good enough for me. As Skaff put it, it is the stuff
that legends are made of, and I don't want to take that away from the
players (though they might not really want this particular legend!)
My response. (Note: It probably helps if you know something about
these people)
I don't really object that much. Besides, how can I complain when I'm
including:
Bill's Bracelets 0
Artifact
Tap to rip up this card and any one card of your opponent's. May not
be counterspelled. Regardless. Note: opponent may note bite you in
response to this card.
Anthony's Amulet RRRRRRRRRR
Enchantment
While Anthony's Amulet is in play all creatures are dragons. Also,
whenever a dragon dies and is not regenerated, the creature's owner
must sulk and mutter at a frequency of 1 Hz for an acceptable period
of time, one week unless otherwise stated.
Curse of Charlie 1RR
Instant
Spill Pepsi on a spell being cast as well as a previously cast
enchantment, creature, land, artifact, your opponent's deck, and your
opponent. Then run your opponent's deck through the cotton or
permanent press cycle of the nearest washing machine. Bleach is
optional. If target spell is illegible, spell is countered.
Elliott's Power Fuck 2UU
Sorcery
Either Howard or Don may be fucked. Fucked player must be Elliott's
partner for the next team game. If Don is fucked he may not play with
any land.
Bit
Chaos Undergarments 2
Artifact
Tap to make both players strip. If male, player with the largest
penis (by weight) wins. If female, may choose a substitute from the
Math department faculty.
Richard's Response:
1) Wall of confetti. 0/100 wall, but each time it takes damage use a hole
puncher on it. When you can't remove a whole circle, it is destroyed
(permanently).
2) This card is mine (I forget whose the above is).
Wall of Ice Cream: (AKA Disease Vector)
0/150 wall. Each time it blocks a creature the owner of the creature must lick
the card. When the card can't be read any longer it is destroyed (permanently).
Anthony Kosky's Response:
How about a Wall-Of-Mucus card? Every time it blocks a creature the
creatures owner gets to blow his/her nose onto it, until the owner of
the card is no longer prepared to play with it. That way the strongest
stomached magic player really would be the best. Robbie would suddenly
become very competative.
===============================================================================
My posting to Magic-l:
1 Black Lotus
1 Channel
1 Fireball
1 Mountain
36 Legends Rules Cards
Although you are unlikely to win, you are also unlikely to lose a
valuable rare card in the ante. In fact, this can be taken a bit
further. I have so many rules cards that I've been trying to get rid
of some of them, so I made a deck of all rules cards. I sat down to
play a friend, but unfortunately she had the same idea and the same
deck. We played to draw after draw. The games weren't very
interesting.
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