Fifth Annual Conference on
	AI, Simulation, and Planning in High Autonomy Systems

      December 7-9, 1994 * The University of Florida, Gainesville

		     A trip report by Barry Reich


* Preparations

As soon as I heard I was going I looked at a map to see what my
options would be for my free time.  Florida, as you know, is a perfect
circle with beaches, amusement parks, and other points of interest
uniformly distributed along its circumference.  Gainesville is at the
exact center of that circle.  So preparations were easy.  I packed
lots of reading material and spent two months making my own business
cards.  This was a wise investment of my time since nobody at the
conference could tell that the cards were hand-made without either
getting them wet or looking at them.  I gave away one.

* Day 1: Tuesday

I arrived at 30th Street Station early in order to have plenty of time
to eat lunch before heading to the airport.  It seems that McDonalds
now employs artists to sketch you while you eat.  I am now the proud
owner of a James Howell original and it only cost me five dollars.

The trip to Gainesville was uneventful.

  Lesson 1) It is not necessary to arrive 90 minutes early for a
	    domestic flight.  After check-in I had 89 minutes to
	    contemplate the spiders on the other side of the airport
	    window hoping they would stay on their side.

  Lesson 2) Gainesvillite doorpersons have no sense of humor.  Example:
		GD:  How was your flight?
		Me:  Relatively crash-free.
		GD:  You've become tiresome.  I'm going to stand over
		     there now.

They put me in room 2^9.  I inspected the room.

	1) Check for spiders
	2) Turn air conditioning on high
	3) Turn on lights

Well, two out of three isn't bad.  After getting a replacement light
bulb from the front desk I read the literature scattered around the
room.  It turned out the free calls cost 60 cents each.  I don't even
want to think about what they would have charged me for a regular
long-distance call.

I had to wonder why the reading lamps on the sides of the bed were 4
feet above the bed and why there were no wall switches.  When I wanted
to go to sleep I had to jump up and down on the bed until I could
reach the lamp switch.

* Day 2: Wednesday

Awake at 6:00.  Well, to be more precise, out of bed at 6:00.
Breakfast, registration, the conference began...

The conference room was -40 degrees.

[...Stuff Removed...]

  Note: Bring along a dictionary of acronyms to any conference
	involving the military.

[...Stuff Removed...]

  Note: The buzzword of the conference was "High Fidelity".  Example:
	    Person 1:  Do you want to eat at McDonalds or Burger King?
	    Person 2:  Burger King, they have high fidelity beef
		       simulation.

[...Stuff Removed...]

Before I left I introduced myself to Paul Fishwick, ex-Badler-student.

  Lesson 3) Drop names.  The actual conversation went something like
	    this:

		Me:    Hi, I'm Barry...blah, blah, blah...
		Paul:  Blah, blah...
		Me:    ...U Penn...Badler...
		Paul:  Oh, you should send me your vita when you
		       graduate.

	    The effective conversation was:

		Me:    I'm Barry.
		Paul:  So?
		Me:    Norm Badler is my advisor.
		Paul:  Oh, would you like a job?

Before heading to the airport I wandered around the University of
Florida campus for an hour.  I saw some things common to all American
universities including a fanatical preacher ranting and raving about
how we're all going to go to hell where we'll spend eternity working
on a Personal Iris running IRIX 4.0.5.

  Lesson 4) It is not necessary to arrive 6 hours early for a domestic
	    flight.  As a simple proof, observe that 6 hours is
	    greater than or equal to 90 minutes and see lesson 1.

  Note: Airlines will be happy to put you on an earlier flight if you
	insult their hometown.  They will even go so far as to bump a
	scheduled passenger if you are rude enough.

I arrived in Philadelphia and was welcomed by a taxi driver who tried
to overcharge me.  There's no place like home.