FINALLY, a way to know what to pitch and what to save!

  THE GAG TEST
  Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what
  you cooked for yourself last night).
  
  EGGS
  When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is
  probably past its prime.
  
  DAIRY PRODUCTS
  Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt.  Yogurt is spoiled
  when it starts to look like cottage cheese.  Cottage cheese is spoiled
  when it starts to look like regular cheese.  Regular cheese is nothing
  but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is
  already.  Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese
  but you realize you've never purchased that kind.
  
  MAYONNAISE
  If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is
  spoiled.
  
  FROZEN FOODS
  Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting
  problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled -- (or
  wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
  
  EXPIRATION DATES
  This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly
  good food so that you'll spend more on groceries.  Perhaps you'd
  benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.
  
  MEAT
  If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a
  three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is
  spoiled.
  
  BREAD
  Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable
  "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread.
  Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good
  indication that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical
  laboratory experiment.
  
  FLOUR
  Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.
  
  SALT
  It never spoils.
  
  CEREAL
  It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded
  when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date.
  
  LETTUCE
  Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the
  vegetable crisper without Comet.  Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it
  turns liquid.
  
  CANNED GOODS
  Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball
  should be disposed of.  Carefully.
  
  CARROTS
  A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
  
  RAISINS
  Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.
  
  POTATOES
  Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy
  undergrowth.
  
  CHIP DIP
  If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor,
  it has gone bad.
  
  EMPTY CONTAINERS
  Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick,
  but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.
  
  UNMARKED ITEMS:
  You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard 
  the Tupperware along with the food.  Generally speaking, Tupperware
  containers should not burp when you open them.  
  
  GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
  Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a
  hamster. Keep a hamster in or nearby your refrigerator to gauge this.