=======================================
  Top Ten Ways To Annoy An I.R.S. Agent
 =======================================
 
 10. Instead of I.R.S., pronounce it "IRS"
  9. Whenever he starts using his calculator, start yelling out a bunch of
     numbers
  8. Tape all your receipts up into a giant ball and then whip it at his head
  7. Pour a jar of honey on your W-2, let a bear loose in his office
  6. Be Leona Helmsley
  5. Tell him "You know who makes a lot of money?  That Oprah"
  4. Keep saying, "1040, good buddy!"
  3. Whenever he disallows a deduction, say "Oh, Mr. Gotti isn't going to like
     that..."
  2. List his wife under "Entertainment Expenses"
  1. Keep yelling "Hey, audit this!"

 =========================================
  Other Toys Being Discontinued by Mattel
 =========================================

 10. Dr. Kevorkian's "Goodnight Grandpa" Kit 
  9. G.I. Joe with Wet, Hacking Cough
  8. Robert Downey Jr. Home Pharmacy
  7. Do-it-Yourself Jigsaw Puzzle (jigsaw included) 
  6. Cabbage Patch Hookers
  5. "Li'l" Unabomber" Chemistry Set
  4. Barbie, Ken and Ken's Longtime Companion, Matthew 
  3. Gulp! The Coin-Swallowing Game
  2. Adorable Wind-up Monkey with a Powerful Taste for Human Flesh 
  1. Tickle Me O.J.

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 [ These lists copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]
 [  The Top Five List   top5@walrus.com   http://www.topfive.com  ]
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 In case you missed the article, someone found a condom in a McDonald's
 hamburger last week.

 Here's David Letterman's Top 10 McDonald's excuses for the condom in the Big
 Mac:

 10. We were test marketing the new "McTrojan".
  9. Condom, Condiment - what's the damn difference.
  8. It still tastes better than the Arch Deluxe.
  7. It was either there or in the vanilla shake.
  6. Turns out the rumors about Grimace and Mayor McCheese are true.
  5. We're experimenting with a new even happier Happy Meal.
  4. So what - a regular Big Mac is 60% latex anyway.
  3  Employees too embarrassed to say "Would you like condoms with that?".
  2. Drive-through speaker broken - "Coke with lots of ice" sounded like
     "Prophylactic device".

And the 1 McDonald's excuse for the condom in the Big Mac:

  1. When you're serving billions and billions, you can't be too careful.
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